Shortly after Norah’s death, an older, wiser cousin (once removed) sent me a message that said,
“Look to those strong (generations of) women who poured their strength into you.”
The message fills me up. His words have followed me, and even carried me a bit, as my thoughts around them have evolved several times on this journey of child loss.
As Norah’s 2nd birthday was approaching we faced some new challenges. During that time, I began wearing my maternal grandmother’s original wedding band and my paternal grandmother’s medal of the Blessed Mother. The very first day I wore the jewelry I realized I felt different; safe, protected, a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in a long time, and a different level of connection.
I couldn’t figure out, at first, what exactly I was experiencing. But after a few days, I realized that these feelings are the strength and the love that both of my grandmothers freely gave to me for the 24 and 37 years I shared with them.
At that moment I remembered, again, the words that my cousin had said to me.
I knew I had to continue to be the example that our two living daughters need, in order to provide them with the strength and love that has been passed down from many generations.
The experience has led me to embrace these 111 days, and go on a journey of intentional focus, greater strength, inner peace, restored hope, and renewed health.
They’ve let me know that their struggles and experiences with child loss have prepared me for what I must endure during this lifetime.
They’ve provided me with reassurance that they walk in Heaven with Norah, and can still remain by my side. They’re my connection to our girl and I’m certain that they’re providing her with the same strength and love that they gave to me.
Who better, besides God, could I have chosen for this role in my daughter’s eternal life?