I have heard this phrase many times. I never truly understood what it meant. I mean, I knew the definition – but I never felt it.
Until Norah died.
But here I am… finding what serves me (us, as a family). Shedding what doesn’t.
Our surroundings did not serve us.
Our lifestyle was too hectic.
Hank’s career was peeling away his soul, layer after layer; it was affecting his health; leaving too many gaps in the non-monetary needs of our family.
Each and everyday I thank Norah for enlightening me. For enlightening us. For continuing to work with us. Her gifts are vast. Her light shines so bright. She has saved us in so many ways. It’s a hard concept for me to grasp sometimes – that our daughter’s death saved our lives, especially when there was a time when it seemed totally opposite. But now I realize that it is her life, on Earth and in Heaven, that’s saving our lives.
I’m proud of her. I’m in awe of her work. I’m blown away by the strength and power of a tiny human. Our tiny human. I’m grateful. Grieving, yet grateful.
I now sit atop of a mountain, closer to God and Spirit and nature…. and Norah. I’m wiggling in and figuring out how to recognize and utilize the things that serve us.
We still cry.
We still ache.
We still struggle.
We still long for the one who is forever (physically) missing.
But, we have plans again.
We have visions again.
We have hope again.
My hope is to do whatever it takes to continue to help my family. To help others. To help myself.
… by finding what serves me.